clairexcliff
Hero
 Number of posts: 4674
Roleplay Name: Amando
2nd char:Roan
Awards: 
 | | Subject: Re: Just A Dream.... Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:17 am | |
| | Eternal Silence wrote: | Hmm...
It's a good story. I like your plotline, and your descriptions are pretty well-thought out. However, it feels a bit rushed to me. Myabe if you made the chapters longer and gave yourself a little more time for character and plot development, it wouldn't be as rushed. Don't just skip past the details; they're what makes a story really good! If you think a chapter is too short, go back and find a place where you can add some more description.
Instead of:
"It was cold outside."
Use this:
"The bitterly cold winter wind froze the tears right off of my face as I dashed out of the door, trying my hardest not to break down into complete hysterics." |
i love the kissing part though..because it really is possible..ES i like ur opinons..i might even make a new fanfic.. |
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gothica800
Banned
 Number of posts: 4632
| | Subject: Re: Just A Dream.... Thu Jun 18, 2009 4:28 am | |
| "if you do, i'm not gonna read it if it's a sad one." |
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HarvestMoonLover
New Member
Number of posts: 21
| | Subject: Just A Dream.... Mon Jun 22, 2009 4:28 pm | |
| Aahhhh! I forgot about this story, hold on I'm going to think of the next part. |
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